My wife is spending the night with D tonight. An overnight date, in another city – a first for us. Or at least, a first in this time of openness and transparency. I did it a couple of times when I was a CPOS. And I was thinking: this is kind of where the rubber meets the road in this adventure (at least for me) – my comfort with my wife’s getting what she wants when it has nothing to do with me, is nowhere near me, and is in fact opaque to me. Most (?) marriages are built around the premise that we don’t DO things like sleep with another person to whom we’re attracted. In my marriage, this premise was in service of my (and my wife’s) desire to keep pretending that my wife (and I) didn’t WANT to sleep with another person. It was the fact of the desire (and not the act of desire) that was threatening to me. And once I acknowledge that (inevitable) desire, then the benefits of prohibiting, or objecting to, its being followed through to fruition evaporate.