6 comments on “Bratty subs

  1. Submission is a gift one that a dom should never demand of. Service is beauty it lets us in other ways to show our appreciation in how well we are cared for. When a connection is there, the dance is real, and the energy exchanged between partners is phenomenal. 

  2. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but I think that there can be generosity in objectification, even though it seems like it should be inherently and almost exclusively selfish.

  3. N.,      The initial point that knotbound makes in the post that you reference is, I think, inarguable, and that is the very different understandings of the term "brat".  I come from an age demographic for whom there is absolutely no good connotation for "brat" – it's shorthand for someone whose self-centeredness manifests in willfully bad behavior.     I think that most who describe themselves as "bratty" are really intending to convey a sense of playfulness – "cheekiness", as knotbound puts it, or "smart ass", as you put it.  It's a way in which boundaries are explored, a way to determine to what extent a dominant can be trusted, or perhaps, can be relied on.  It sounds perverse, I know, even child-like, but a submissive needs a very solid construct of trust, and if she cannot trust the dominant to ensure that he has her respect, how can she trust him to respect her?   (By the way, and speaking as a smart ass, this kind of cheekiness is a good barometer of a sense of humor in a dominant)   You say, "I want to earn your trust, and, having earned it, be given your body.  That giving, the trust embedded in it, the confidence that all will be good if left to me, is the moment of maximal excitement for me."  Yes, of course, but the question is, how do you get to that level of trust? Isn't it a journey of mutual testing, of trying out and discarding, so that you both are confident of being safe in the other's care?  In some dynamics, playful resistance (not bratty defiance) on the part of the submissive is part of this.    I think, too, that part of the reason for your take on this is that you aren't, or at least don't appear to be, in the market for the kind of structured dominant/submissive relationship that involves rules, training, ritual, etc.  And if you aren't into that, there really isn't the environment in which brattiness can flourish.   You are actually one of the few people (and the first dominant) I've come across to see a  difference between needing to be dominated and needing to submit; a difference which I, too, think is very real, despite my arguments about brattiness.   There is a whole separate aspect to this, one that involves the sheer physicality of dominance, but that's a discussion for another day. Best,b.e.g     

  4. Thanks for this (very) thoughtful post. I think you're right: you make a point that I didn't really get into (and hadn't really thought about) – namely, the HUGE difference between structured relationships and play in the context of more conventionally configured relationships.I'm clearly in the latter category – my relationships are conventionally configured: when I dominate someone, or imagine allowing myself to be dominated, it's a way of having fun, not a way of organizing power in a way that extends beyond the beginning and the end of a sexual encounter. That latter form of a relationship is radically different….Thanks for your (increasingly) thoughtful comments….

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