4 comments on “My origin myth, continued

  1. I didn't expect anything at all, but I certainly wouldn't expect anything other than your own perspective. And I hope that T doesn't think I have judged her in any way. What you reveal here is pretty spectacular. That you feel healthy and whole, and that you feel your marriage is healthy and whole is fantastic. 

  2. I agree with Liza's comments.However, I think you can tell a more whole story by telling us about your conversations and decisions without speaking for your wife.  It would help us understand the dynamic and how you got to where you are now.Your story is fascinating but I do feel a little pushed away by it.  I am sorry for that.  This post is a great start though.  I can feel a great deal more empathy already from seeing the changes you have made and revealing your vulnerabilities in this way.

  3. I appreciate this. I'm going to work hard on these suggestions, and there will be more to come. "Conversations" and "decisions" are hard, by definition, for me, because I'm so private about our marriage. I guess I misspoke a little when I said my hesitation is in appearing to speak for T – I'm also reluctant to reveal too much about her experience, and that puts a ceiling on what I comfortably can reveal about my own. But I hear what you're saying, and am trying desperately not to push away. If anything, the opposite – I want people to see the challenges we faced (together) and the work we did (both together and apart). The challenge is that the picture you will get will necessarily be two-dimensional by virtue of my attempts to excise T – her experience and her contributions to my reality, both easy and hard, from the picture. That's what I'm struggling with. Simple example: I've indicated, and you know – if you're at all sophisticated – that, as in any marriage, T did, and didn't do, things which were challenging for me, too. I'm disinclined to go into that, because they're really her story. But of course, they affected me. You'll never have a full picture of my experience without understanding those things. But you never will understand those things. Structural limitation #12,435. I'm still working on gaining your empathy and sympathy, notwithstanding….

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